It's Ok to be me

Recently I was involved in an activity where I was front and center - sort of leading the thing. I sorta knew it would be that way but I never did really stop and take the time to really prepare myself.

And so...I did a bad job of it.

My performance issues and some other things kicked in later in the day - when all the activity and hubub had settled and of course, I cried.

I would so love to be perfect and do all things well and be very impressive.

I'm not.

And I know it.

I like myself anyway. I can always go back to the place of liking myself as I am because of Father. It's OK with him if I'm not perfect. It's OK with him if I'm not impressive in the eyes of the world around me - even those who see me up close.

He told me a few years ago that he wasn't trying to fix me. I am who I am. Had I grown up differently I might actually be more impressive but now that I am 50+ I'm probably going to continue to be who I am.

I'm not always OK with me but I'm always OK with him.

A few years ago I was actively involved in ministering to people. I worried about this a lot back then. He made me to understand that when HE is doing something he may ask for/require our participation but he doesn't require or even ask for perfection on our part.

What freedom there is in Him to just be human.

So I cried through my journey back to that place in him where I could hear him say to me that it's not about me. It's about Him and He did what He wanted to do.