Life and death

This weekend was quite a weekend. It began, as so many weekends do, with events and circumstances from the weeks, months and years that came before it.

Last Thursday Larry got a call from his dad with three pieces of bad news. Two of those items concerned the heath of his dad's brothers, both of whom are better today than they were that day but still not cleared for good health. We may yet get calls concerning them someday soon. Larry's daddy, fortunately, is in pretty good health for an 80 year old guy.

The third item was the bomb. The daughter of friends had taken her own life. Shellie. A young woman of 32. We were - and still are - broken hearted over this. Our two families were close and spent a lot of time together during the years that the kids were ranging in ages from about 16-17 to young Matt, however old he was at the time. Our paths had veered in different directions for the last several years so we didn't know much of the current happenings. So we were totally unprepared for this one.

We stopped our workdays on Friday and off to West Monroe we went. Sad as it all was, God's presence brought life. I am always fascinated to watch God as I see him in those who believe and are willing to allow him to be GOD. Shellie believed but struggled with her pain and the ability to believe in the goodness of God.

We left WM about 2:30 on Saturday, having taken time to buy some flowers to put on the graves of my parents and his mother. They're buried next to each other in the same cemetery that Shellie was buried in.

We'd been invited to the house of some friends in Dallas to meet some friends of theirs and so we made good time and got to their house at about 6:30. That evening was all about life as Father met a couple in the place of their own pain and desolation and brought life to them through the ministry of those in the room.

As soon as we had arrived at the home of these friends we heard more sad - but this time not unexpected - news that a friend in a near city had finally died of a brain tumor. The next evening we drove an hour and a half to at least see him that last time and to see his family as we knew we would not be able to go to the funeral.

In the midst of what seems to be the saddest of times those who believe in God are lifed by the understanding that death is passage. Dusty struggled with some with/through his pain but that was as short lived as the growing time of the tumor. His faith in the goodness of God was as solid as his 59 years of life. His wife and children had smiles for all who came.

But every where we looked we saw faces of peace - the faces of people who live in the presence of and the knowledge of the grace and mercy of God.

His purposes are eternal - ours temporal. Our purposes include those we love but... so do his.

Life and death happen in this world all at the same time. Happiness and sorrow. Rejoicing and pain. We need eyes to see, Lord. We need to see the way you see. Give us that grace and the grace to know you beyond what we see in the current circumstances.

We thank you Jesus that your life is our life and vitality and strength.

New Life in the Garden

Last week a conversation. Us and our daughter. Language Barriers interfered with the making of plans. We said.... She heard.... and there was missed opportunity and there was hurt.

Last night a conversation. Me and my daughter. Language Barriers began to be overcome. Understanding came. Can't undo what is - that gets consigned to opportunities missed.

Last night beauty came from the dying of old thought patterns - old behavior patterns. New life for the future.

Newness springs from the detritus of the old and grows in the fractal/garden of our life.

Death and Loss and Beauty

These pictures were taken in Kansas City, during that period of time when the weather was thinking about spring but all around was the signs of death from the winter. I had gone out that day because the temperature was bearable and I had cabin fever. I went to a favorite park to what I could see.

Among many other beautiful or interesting things I saw these leaves - these brown curls holding strong to their limbs - not yet ousted by the new.

last years leaves making one last statement about their own beauty

So is death beautiful?

OR

Can anything beautiful be found in that place?

We all experience death.

Sometimes our people die. People we love. My parents did and even though sometimes I wish they were still here - there was much beauty to be found in that place before the new had even begun to spring forth.

Two of the most amazing experiences of my life.
























There are other deaths that we deal with also. The death of a dream or a plan or a hope.

Not to mention that for some hope is lost entirely. I don't know that there is any beauty to be found there because to lose hope entirely is to give up on God and every other possibility.

It does happen.
























But the death of dreams is a common one, I believe, in the world of humans. We live for dreams. We are told to dream and never stop dreaming and, you know, "it's never too late".

I have found that there is beauty to be found at such times. If those dreams are not founded on reality - if they are houses built on sand and not on the Rock then they need to die.

I have found it hard to let some dreams die. Especially the ones having to do with family. But sometimes you must let the dreams go just like you let the people go when they die. I am experiencing this type of death in my natural fractal/garden even as I am experiencing new life in a spiritual fractal/garden.





















The beauty I see in this death is that it releases life that needs to come forth.

Here is where trusting God and his ways is most important - and where the great struggle of so many years of my life has been.....there is a period of time in which no life can be seen. If beauty is going to be found at all it must be found in the moment - even the moment of death.

Father told me in 2004 that I would learn to live in the present moment. So I must live in the place where I see only the dried up remains of what was.

I need to open my eyes to see what a nice color the brown is. I need to look close enough to really see the curls. I need to stop long enough to appreciate the unique shape of each leaf - each group of leaves.

There is a verse that speaks of us seeing the face of God without a veil over our face. Looking fully into his face and being transformed in that moment. I heard this scripture quoted the most during the days of the soaking meetings where we would get together and sit in the presence of God and worship. Those were good times.

But I found that being able to see the face of God in the types of things that would be symbolized by the dead leaves are the transforming times of my life.

So I live in this present moment, acknowledging my grief until God's touch can completely heal it, but no longer fighting for my dream.

Time to let go - even where I love.