Death and Loss and Beauty

These pictures were taken in Kansas City, during that period of time when the weather was thinking about spring but all around was the signs of death from the winter. I had gone out that day because the temperature was bearable and I had cabin fever. I went to a favorite park to what I could see.

Among many other beautiful or interesting things I saw these leaves - these brown curls holding strong to their limbs - not yet ousted by the new.

last years leaves making one last statement about their own beauty

So is death beautiful?

OR

Can anything beautiful be found in that place?

We all experience death.

Sometimes our people die. People we love. My parents did and even though sometimes I wish they were still here - there was much beauty to be found in that place before the new had even begun to spring forth.

Two of the most amazing experiences of my life.
























There are other deaths that we deal with also. The death of a dream or a plan or a hope.

Not to mention that for some hope is lost entirely. I don't know that there is any beauty to be found there because to lose hope entirely is to give up on God and every other possibility.

It does happen.
























But the death of dreams is a common one, I believe, in the world of humans. We live for dreams. We are told to dream and never stop dreaming and, you know, "it's never too late".

I have found that there is beauty to be found at such times. If those dreams are not founded on reality - if they are houses built on sand and not on the Rock then they need to die.

I have found it hard to let some dreams die. Especially the ones having to do with family. But sometimes you must let the dreams go just like you let the people go when they die. I am experiencing this type of death in my natural fractal/garden even as I am experiencing new life in a spiritual fractal/garden.





















The beauty I see in this death is that it releases life that needs to come forth.

Here is where trusting God and his ways is most important - and where the great struggle of so many years of my life has been.....there is a period of time in which no life can be seen. If beauty is going to be found at all it must be found in the moment - even the moment of death.

Father told me in 2004 that I would learn to live in the present moment. So I must live in the place where I see only the dried up remains of what was.

I need to open my eyes to see what a nice color the brown is. I need to look close enough to really see the curls. I need to stop long enough to appreciate the unique shape of each leaf - each group of leaves.

There is a verse that speaks of us seeing the face of God without a veil over our face. Looking fully into his face and being transformed in that moment. I heard this scripture quoted the most during the days of the soaking meetings where we would get together and sit in the presence of God and worship. Those were good times.

But I found that being able to see the face of God in the types of things that would be symbolized by the dead leaves are the transforming times of my life.

So I live in this present moment, acknowledging my grief until God's touch can completely heal it, but no longer fighting for my dream.

Time to let go - even where I love.