Last day thoughts

Last day of the year.

Last page of Chapter 1.

A year of stretching - are those stretch marks I see. I will wear them willingly and hopefully with humility. Funny how through the years you think you have been through the hardest time of your life - over and over and over. Then comes another. Labor pains. Birthing the real you.

Birthing Christ.

Am I done? Dunno. But that's OK. As Father goes ever deeper I am ever free-er to be.

I'm so glad that God is faithful. That means I can be human. And it means that I will not forever be trapped in this humanity. I will certainly wear it in this time/space place but it will not always rule over me.

I actually wasn't going to share pictures of our Christmas at all this year. I especially didn't want to share my candle display. It's very special to me because it's the first time in all my adult years that the thing I did for Christmas was the thing that was in my heart.

Also because it’s a little cheesy – but that quiet voice inside me that keeps me coming back here won’t let it alone.

I warn you - what you are going to see in the pictures below IS kinda cheesy - but keep two things in mind. 1) I really didn't want to spend any money on decorations and 2) it's a prototype - the first such display. Now I know where I'm going .

This idea came to me from two places. It rang in my mind, it rang in my heart. I’m not saying that it will mean the same to you as it does to me. That’s OK. The Lord has a unique expression through each one.

The words from John Chapter 1.....

¹In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. ²He was with God in the beginning.

³Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. ⁴In him was life, and that life was the light of men. ⁵The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood^[a] it.

⁶There came a man who was sent from God; his name was John. ⁷He came as a witness to testify concerning that light, so that through him all men might believe. ⁸He himself was not the light; he came only as a witness to the light. ⁹The true light that gives light to every man was coming into the world.

¹⁰He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. ¹¹He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. ¹²Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— ¹³children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God.

¹⁴The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only,who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

And a little song learned ... maybe in my childhood - or maybe in the years I spent teaching Sunday School 30+ years ago. The words....

Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world.

Red and Yellow, Black and White, they are precious in his sight

Jesus loves the little children of the world.

The small lights are us in all our diversity basking in the greater light that is Jesus. Shining the same light that He shines.

Maybe His light is even for kitties - Honey loved sitting with us on Christmas morning, looking at the light of the candles.

This was not the first time that I had been captivated by the verses in John. They are old favorites. To me the fact that Christ came and brought light is the important thing. A study of the world light one time showed me that that word "light" means "vitality" - life force. He came to be my life force - He is my life force. I cannot imagine life without him.

He didn't just bring this for a few favored ones. He brought it for the whole world. Religion does not always work for everyone but everyone can receive this "life force" and let it live through them in their life what ever it may be.

I want to close this year with this thought ringing through all the parts of me.

He is my Light and my Life

Toward midnight Larry and I will meet by the fire and quietly commune with our God.

He is our Light and our Life.

This weekend we'll get together with friends and we will share - give AND receive - this Light and Life with them.

And so I share my candles.....

The end of Chapter One

This year is almost over.

This is the year that I called Chapter One. We may be 50 somethings and we may have been married 35 years and we may have moved many times but even so..... it was right to call this year Chapter One.

This last month has epitomized what this year is about.

As Thanksgiving and Christmas approached we stopped to talk about starting over with these holidays. So many times down through the years these holidays have been subject to any thing other than what would be lifegiving to our own little family - for many reasons that I won't try to deal with. Yes, sometimes it was great - but a pattern of a great holiday followed by a not so great holiday gets old.

This year Larry and I talked about starting again. We talked about where WE want to go with these holidays. We walked in agreement with each other letting our hearts connect in purpose and direction. That's bigger than you might know, dear reader, and there is such hope and peace in that.

The other significant thing about these last two months is that God dug deeper into the deepest parts of me by turning my attention to the issue of shame. This was a hard one to tackle but absolutely necessary to understand why I could not seem to get over some things and why I kept reacting to people and words and situations. (I've concluded that I am a very, very deep person. : ) )

So I am here at the end of chapter one with a better understanding of hope.

I'm looking forward to chapter two.

Some not very Christmasy thoughts about Christmas

So once again I'm challenged by a friend to express my thoughts. Credit to S. I've had this blog written for several days but was thinking about not posting it. I think the reason is that I'm now going into the area of opinions. I like that - because to me it is a going forward. It's scary because sometimes people don't like other people's opinions.
Oh well. It's my blog. My place for processing my thoughts. If I knew it was going to stop here that would be one thing but I've already started my next blog. This is me....growing.
Think I'll shut up here and just go with my not very Christmasy thoughts and let subsequent posts speak for themselves.

I’m OK with Christmas.


Really. I am. Sort of.


I believe I'm going to enjoy this Christmas season.


Lets say I’ve come to peace with Christmas. After 50+ years of living in it and for it now I live with it and can enjoy it on my own terms and on the terms I'm working out with my family.

As a child I lived in it. That’s what children do. I guess I enjoyed that season of the year as much as most kids did. We didn’t have much and mom and dad didn’t spend much and there was not this big decorating of the house thing or big cooking thing that went on. I don’t have any horrible memories of Christmas as a child but neither was it spectacular. We just did Christmas every year. I think it was when I began hanging with D as a teenager that I began to feel what Christmas can and can’t do for people. I’m not so sure that her Mom (single working mom) had lots of money but she knew how to make her money work for her. Christmas at D’s house meant a huge tree with what seemed to be hundreds of presents underneath. Vaguely I felt the difference. I was living in that time when I was very detached from the reality of life so it didn't really bother me much but neither have I forgotten it.

Then I became married with children and started living for it - starting about December 15 every year. Some Christmases we had money to spend and we spent. Other Christmases we didn’t have much money and we didn’t spend. But as my children got older I felt the effects of those times when I couldn’t spend and they would talk about what their friends got for Christmas. I never knew how to make money work for me. And it wasn't just the money. I had never established in my heart what Christmas was really about so if I couldn't give them "presents" then I seemed to have nothing to give even though I was a Christian.

Bless our hearts, Larry and I just never were the best money or time “managers”. So we were never really prepared. Sure I know that stuff is really about us but I also feel like all this has kept me from romanticizing the season. I won't be one of its major defenders because I don't think it's the be all and end all of Christian expression. And besides what you may be doing at home, when there’s kids involved, you also have school and all that is required of you from that quarter. And in my opinion the demands of the church were the worst. Honestly. Christianity defends Christmas and lives Christmas as if Christmas was ordained by God – and even a superficial study will show that it wasn’t. It is something born in the heart of men and the fact that God meets us here in special ways doesn’t change that. He uses every opportunity we give him to reveal himself as the LIGHT who came into the world. I don’t have a problem with the idea that we might want to set aside a day to celebrate the coming of our Christ into this world. Nothing wrong with that. I just think that Christmas is treated with an importance that is way out of proportion to what it really is.

And I don't think we need to get upset when others who do not believe what we do choose to use the season for their own purposes. (Think Festivus.) After all - according to some, feel free to research this yourself - we adopted a day from the pagan calendar so why should we get bothered when others want to adopt a day that we adopted from someone else. If people don't believe they are not going to start if they feel like they have to defend themselves and their own freedom from us. The reality of Christ is not necessarily seen in a nativity scene and is most likely not seen in its defenders.

As Christians we seem to insist that the rest of humanity see it the way we do. Unbelievers are not going to. Period. And nobody likes having something shoved down their throat. Christians don’t like it either. Would that all men become believers in Jesus the Savior but not so that we can all celebrate Christmas the same way.

I don't want to get carried away with this and won't go into details but I don't really like the way Christians who adhere to the Christian system express Christianity at Christmas time. At least not all of it. Can't make a blanket statement here.

My cry at Christmas would be for that freedom that Christ came to eventually purchase for us. The freedom of each one to do as they feel God would have them. Freedom from the need to perform. Freedom from unrealistic expectations imposed on us by society. Freedom to celebrate truth rather than traditions. I believe this can be a beautiful time of life each year.

I'm committed to finding that beauty within my family first and then to see what we have to offer a larger community.