Jesus, my banqueting table

In John Chapter 6 Jesus presents himself to his listeners as the bread from heaven.

verses 32-35...Jesus said to them, "I tell you the truth, it is not Moses who has given you the bread from heaven, but it is my Father who gives you the true bread from heaven. For the bread of God is he who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world."

"Sir," the said, "from now on give us this bread."

Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. he who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty."

I pondered this several years ago when I was involved in activities that challenged me. I felt that I was doing the thing that God would have me do but I can honestly say that I didn't relish all parts of it and if I did it again - which I am open to - I'm sure that I will again not relish all parts of it.

I came to understand that the important part to myself personally was not what I was doing for others but what that experience was doing for me. In the doing of this thing I was experiencing Jesus and I was maturing my taste buds.

Now, we know that bread is used metaphorically. Not just here but in many different contexts the word bread can represent our daily sustenance. We feed our bodies and we feed our minds. And we certainly take into our selves more than just the one item - bread. Our diet, whether for our bodies, minds, souls or whatever is made up of many things. We need a balance, the experts and experience tell us, to be healthy.

I believe same with Jesus. As I was engaged in this activity and I began to understand that I was experiencing Jesus through this activity I began to form a picture in my mind of a table filled with food. That food was my "Bread" and it was diverse. The table was very large and at one end it had the dishes I love. At the other end were the dishes I don't love. Some I truly hate and just will not eat - talking about actual food dishes here. In the middle they sort of mingle. My desire of course, is to hang out at the end of the table with the dishes I love. Who wouldn't? But if I am not willing to go to that other end of the table and eat the food I don't like - or think I don't like - how will I really know about them? In this natural world - I don't care, really, if I never eat those things or ever know what they taste like.

But when I see Jesus as that banqueting table I understand that to experience all of him I have to be willing to pick up tasks that are "unpalatable". Each person would know for themselves what that might be. Does that mean I will experience all of him in this life? I think probably not. I am realizing that my age and previous experiences make me more reluctant than when I was younger and didn't know what I was getting into. I would want to know now that it was definitely God and not just my enthusiasm or zeal that was taking me to that other end of the table. I am definitely more cautious about what I pick up to partake of.

But I don't want to become complacent or unwilling. There are many aspects of God that I want to experience. One thing that is different is that I don't have the drive that was born of out of control emotions. It's a bit fascinating to think of the places in God that the fear/anger/despair took me to.

I'm eyeing some dishes at the other end of the table. Things that I have tasted before and things that I have not. Some I desire to eat - even tho I don't relish all parts of them - but I must wait for Father to prepare the dish. Some I desire to eat because I just know there is something good for me there. I think honesty would compel me to say that some I don't want to eat. We'll see what changes more time brings. Well, I guess my own appetite and desires are all over the place right now as I am in an emotional growth spurt while my little inner child grows up. I hope that I will never lose the desire to taste those unfamiliar portions of the Lord. Mary had chosen the better part - she had chosen to partake of Jesus. That's what I want to do - partake of Him. What we eat is what we become. And what we become is what we will express to the world around us. I want to express the nature of Jesus. It is being formed in me and that is yet an unfinished work.