Haven't we all heard that one.
I think I now have my answer..... Grown up - as in mature - as in something more than just capable of functioning in the adult world but truly mature.
I was raised to be a child by parents who I now believe had to grow up too fast because of their life circumstances. I remember Mom telling me to be a child as long as I could because once you are an adult you are an adult for the rest of your life. So true but not as simple as it sounds.
I've been reviewing some of the things that God has taught me over the years about maturity.
The focus of what he has shown me thus far is that maturing is a process that centers around responsibility. Chronologically you are going to be certain ages in order. And in the normal course of life our responsibility level grows as we age. Certainly our society expects us to be able to behave like adults - or at least to function as adults. Either our parents/guardians, or somebody or..... nobody..... is going to teach us how to do what we must do to function in the society we live in.
Another thing I believe I have seen is that if we skip a few years by having to grow up too quickly or because of trauma or whatever - he will bring us back - one way or another - to experience that age. There were things we were to receive there and he wants us to have them.
Now this is not just coming out of my own head (brilliant tho I may be) - the teachings of some of the teachers I've mentioned in past posts have played a big part in my own understanding. I love having Paul Hegstrom in the mix because of how he has been able to see us as physical beings living and growing in harmony with a soul and a spirit.
But our minds and spirits need the process of maturing also. Too often in this world that process is denied. I know I'm talking about me but I'm also looking at the world around me - the world by which I cannot CANNOT judge myself because then I could say that I'm probably OK. I've spent some time with others - call it "ministering" or "counseling" or just "being an ear or a shoulder" and I know that there are more than me who struggle with life. I'm told that God is forming in me the nature of Christ. As I understand more about his nature then I can rightly judge what is going on with me. Thank God that along with that comes a growing understanding of his grace.
How many are thrust into adult situations with out any ability what ever to process what is happening. When adult life began really crashing into my makebelieveworld I was 17 chronologically and I was as smart as the next person - but I was much, much, much younger on the inside than that. I had walked through life without touching it - with very little being required of me. Though I was 17 years old, and CAPABLE of doing the things that life began to require of me, I really didn't know how to handle it. From the beginning of my adult life I handled it badly.
I've spent a fair share of time being kinda angry at my Mom and Dad. I'm not an advocate of blaming the parents but I know you have to look at where you came from to figure out where you are now and to perhaps change course for the future. A period of anger is part of any course of grief over loss. Then - not long ago - a friend related what Father had spoken to her about her own mother. I won't tell that story because it's not mine to tell - but I did begin to see Mom and Dad's philosophy of child raising in a different light and I took into account the little town they grew up in and the circumstances that affected them. Like I said, I think they had to grow up quickly and had pressures placed on them that they didn't want on their children.
They reacted. The pendulum swung all the way to the other side. Nothing done with any evil intent - just doing what seemed right. Good people who provided me with a home that I always felt safe in.
I love them and I want to honor them by being the best me that I can be. I don't think they would be upset about my processing all this this way - remember they now see what I can't. When I think of them sometimes and especially when I have worried about how they might feel about my working through all this (it's really taken years and who knows if I'm finished) I remember where they are and that their understanding is no longer limited by humanity and I feel like they are cheering me on because I know that I know they always wanted a good life for me. I feel like they're on my side.
I'm 50+ish now and am going back to some places inside myself so the little girl can grow up. I'm still functioning in the real world - you know, work and whatever else but mostly work now. But I'm getting understanding about the reasons why some of the things I do - reactions - are what they are.
Very thankful and feeling peace.
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