Epiphany moments

A nod to my brother just older than me for his contribution to my journey.

Thanks Neil.

As I was conversing with him about my blog and some of these experiences that I'm having in what seems like rapid succession sometimes he said "epiphany". I know that word and my initial reaction was that it was not the word but it continued to work in my mind so I thought I better look it up. You know - just in case I didn't know something that I thought I did. It happens.

Here is definition #3 from the Merriam Webster Online dictionary:
3 a (1): a usually sudden manifestation or perception of the essential nature or meaning of something (2): an intuitive grasp of reality through something (as an event) usually simple and striking (3): an illuminating discovery, realization, or disclosure b: a revealing scene or moment

That's what's happening as I walk along this transformatin journey. Epiphany moments. Sometimes I feel as though I've been asleep for 50 years and am just now waking up and seeing and really seeing and experiencing the world I live in. It's wonderful.

It's also a little scary sometimes. I wonder if this is what it feels like to be a child trying to negotiate the world. I'm making mistakes that a 50+ year old woman ought not be making. It's not really comfortable and this morning I was thinking about maybe even just shutting down this blogging until I grow up some but then what is the point of blogging about your journey if you are going to leave out chunks of it.

This is not comfortable right now.

Larry got this description of progression from somewhere -

We are unconsciously incompetent
We are consciously incompetent
We are consciously competent
We are unconsciously competent

I feel like I am in stage #2. I am conscious of my incompetence as a person.

I am conscious of my need for a Father who will help me grow up. For about 30 years I have been unconscious of this need and so I did not let him help me grow. I did not work with him but rather like a petulant child I worked against him.

It's a good thing I'm living to be 100 (my plan- I don't have a word from the Lord on that).
Hopefully I will have a few years as an adult before I'm done.