Getting to the place of defining

A couple of days ago I was at the blogsite of a young lady whose thoughts I like to read. She’s 28 (I think she said) right now and she wrote out a statement of her beliefs. I was impressed. It was so well written – so clear – so concise – so definite. Of course, she did add her disclaimer at the end pointing out that she was a work in progress and would no doubt change some over time. I was glad to see that addition – I think we need to realize that we are works in progress. It’s what I’m talking about when I speak of the evolution of me.

I also wondered if I could do what she did. I wondered if I could set down in words what I believe. A Personal Manifesto as it were. I think when I was 28 I could have done something like that with as much definiteness as she did.

At 52 I don’t think I can.

There are a couple of things at work in me that keep me from it. One is something like this quote from Frank Peretti – “When I was young I knew exactly what God was going to do – but I didn’t trust him. Now that I am old(er) I don’t know what he’s going to do – but I trust him”. I think that quote explains as well as anything I know the change that has taken place in me over the years. To trust him without being in control was a battle hard fought over years and eventually won. Yes, I say won with confidence. The more I know the more I realize I don’t know and it’s hard to say anything in so definite a way. The other thing has to do with being in this place of transition. I left KC and “a life” about 10 months ago and I feel stirring within me a desire for the new life to begin to manifest itself. I am "feeling" some things very strongly right now. I could probably, at least, list what I believe are some elements of that new life.

*Things that I feel that God has deposited within Larry and me.

*Things that have been taught to us by Holy Spirit and instilled into us by his work in our lives. *Things that are realities of the Heavenly Kingdom that we have entered into citizenship in.

But I guess I'm not going to - at least not right now or in this way.

Right now these "things" are not in any kind of manifestation – or at least not much. But I don’t even know what they are supposed to look like now. In the moment that we were living them out as Holy Spirit was teaching us I was very sure of what they were supposed to look like. Maybe they ARE in manifestation and I just can’t see them since I don't know what they're supposed to look like – but I don’t think so. I just keep feeling that there is something more – and please don’t think I mean ministry. I mean LIVING LIFE and EXPRESSING GOD AS I LIVE LIFE. Some place in the kingdom that we haven't quite gotten to yet. I don’t know what that’s supposed to look like but I’m convinced it looks like something that I’m not seeing right now.

But I also know that Larry and I are not quite off the bridge. It's probably not quite time for some things. Stay cool my heels - you don't want to MAKE something happen. Been there/done that - not so good.

Going back to the dream my friend had about me having a baby. I think I had that baby and now I must nurture it and give it time to grow.