Feeling slumpy

How hard it can be sometimes to do the things I ought to do. Things that there is no reason for me not to do. I just don’t. Procrastination is one thing we call this. But procrastination can turn into lethargy – even apathy. Yes, I think in some ways I am suffering from these things. I’m speaking Photographically here. There are projects that I had in mind to accomplish during my time here. I didn’t get them accomplished. I did some but I didn't finish anything. And there are things I would like to be doing weekly or daily. I wish I could cite some good reasons for this but I can’t. And now because I haven't done them I think I'm avoiding them.

I feel sometimes like what Paul said in Romans:

For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not. For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.

Sounds a little melodramatic I guess but it’s true. Alas it’s true of me. How I do put things off. I mourn me sometimes. Not too heavily I suppose. Like the guy in the Jane Austen story said (my paraphrase)….allow me to feel my sin for the moment – it will pass soon enough. I love me. Once I would have gone to the depths of despair but now I just comment and shrug my shoulders.

I know part of my problem is the need to see the end from the beginning. A blessing because I take my time and look at the larger picture – A curse because if I can’t mentally traverse the whole of the idea – in other words if I reach a point where I don’t know what the next step is – I sort of stop right there. If this happens repeatedly then I guess I get tired of trying. And silly me – even if circumstances make it difficult to actually TAKE pictures right now there are other things to do – related things that I really want to do. It's not like I don't know HOW to put pics up on Flickr. It's ridiculous.

A crisis would be helpful right now because I’m not afraid of making a decision when I have to but if I don’t have to…..then why would I? But I don’t WANT any crises in my life right now.
Maybe this is one of those hiatus times when it seems that nothing is happening but really it is. Yeah Yeah that's what it is. I keep saying that.

It's a good line. I need to just stick to it.

A time when things are adjusting themselves on the inside of me. I know that is happening – the adjusting thing. My inner landscape IS being redesigned in preparation for something new that is coming.

Well, I know this about me too. I don’t live comfortably in non-constructive unproductiveness either so after a while I will rouse myself and shake my self off me and get about the business of doing something. I sound like a person who operates on pulse time but really pulse time drives me crazy – actually I operate on cyclical (or is that circular) time and well, I can see that in operation here too. I'm going in circles.

One thing’s for sure – it will all be there when I get to it.