Embracing Pain

This is something I've been wanting to write about for a while but just haven't been able to find the words. I think I have them now. I hope I can write what's been going through my head as I lay in bed wondering whether to go ahead and get up or keep snoozing.

Embracing pain is part of the journey. Embracing pain is not about loving it and being "happy to suffer". It's about accepting it and understanding that in that painful period the most transformational work can be done in your life than at any other time.

I'm not talking about physical pain. I'm talking about emotional and psychological pain. The pain that comes to our heart and mind because of the circumstances of our lives.

Some examples: The pain of realizing things about yourself that aren't so good; of feeling rejected by someone you love; that comes to us by means of our children; of loss whether it's someone or a dream or possessions; pain associated with illness; hopelessness......

The list could go on but you see what I'm talking about. You could sit down and make your own personal list. For some people this might not really be much to think about - some people seem to know how to handle it but some people don't. And some people really aren't handling it but they think they are. I think the two extremes of not embracing the pain are 1) depression or some other type mental and emotional disorder, 2) completely ignoring the realities, sticking your head in the sand, what I call the ostrich syndrome. I don't have any percentages saying how many people do which or both or neither but I do believe that embracing the pain of our journey is pretty challenging for many.

I wasn't good at it all. I suffered very little as a child and it is that suffering that we experience as a child with the guidance of our parents (or whoever) that should prepare us to suffer properly as adults. But I wasn't disciplined much, almost never sick, didn't have much stuff but that didn't seem to bother me and because I lived in this mild depression day dreaming place I just never dealt with the realities of life until I found myself with a serious boyfriend and I really had no idea how to handle the relationship issues that came along with that. That was the beginning of the expressions of depression as I would cry and cry and not know why. For most of my adult life I fought with the pain that came to me from the different directions - all normal stuff of life- and it just kept on hurting. I just couldn't make it go away. I just didn't know what to do with it. My Father wouldn't take it away either. His purpose was to teach me how to deal with it. He did but man, it took a long time.

The fact is you can't make the pain go away. Some people seem to get numb to it but what good is that? The issues are still there and the people who need that person have no access to him/her and are being just as wounded by such a one as they are by someone who is an emotional wreck.

We must learn to deal with our reasons for not being able to deal with a painful circumstance so that we can negotiate that circumstance in a way that brings life to ourselves and to those around us. That really should be done when we are children. Yes, as children who suffer every time mom or dad says no to something they want to do, every time they have to do something they don't want to do, as they grow up having to constantly be meeting the increasing demands of being a part of a family and community as they grow into maturity. That's pretty much the point of the disciplining process - to bring the child up into maturity. It really has nothing to do with the comfort of the parents. Interestingly that can be a source of pain for parents who are not mature themselves and so they get upset themselves or they just ignore the things their children do because they don't know how to deal with them. My daddy did that a lot I think and I know that Larry and I did that in some very significant ways with our children.

The pain of dealing with the "stuff", whatever it is does not just go away. I did try to tell my children when they were young that the only time a responsibility gets easy is when you accept it. Well, that's kinda what I'm trying to say about pain. It doesn't get easy - you might still cry - you might still get angry - but if you will press through the pain you can find answers in the midst of it to the issue that you're dealing with . You have to let the pain be what it is and focus on where you're going spiritually and emotionally.

One of the times that I successfully did this was when God was dealing with my trust issues a few years ago. Several things worked together in my life to bring me to a place where I - well, I hardly know how to describe it - I was feeling ALL the stuff I had always felt that would send me spiraling into depression. I was using all the weapons of understanding at my disposal at that time to NOT let that happen but I felt that my head was going to explode if something didn't happen. That's a sort of literal description. It seemed that I could feel my head expanding. We even thought for a little bit about getting on meds again but I knew I shouldn't do that. Day after day went by for I don't know how long and then one afternoon, just out of the blue but at just the right moment, Jesus spoke a word of truth to me that brought a lifetime into perspective and in a moment it was over. The most wonderful calm came into me. Now I still did have to learn to walk it out but I believe I have and still do. It's been the greatest weapon of understanding he's given me so far.

Pain has been a part of this bridge experience just like it has been in every other bridge experience of my life. But now I am able to press in to the God I now trust with my life to find answers to whatever is causing the pain. Some things are still painful. Some things will probably always be painful in my life because I can't make them be what I want them to be. But he is continuing to transform me into his likeness.

He is a good a faithful Father who does NOT commit random acts of violence upon his children. But neither does he take away the very things that by his design are meant to bring us into maturity.