I feel like I am finally changing from a person of stress and anxiety over the future to one of peace and anticipation of the future. This is the kind of transformation I'm after and I've been working on getting here for a long, long time.
One of the thoughts the Lord gave me years ago was from the verse in 2 Cor. about how we with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory and are being transformed into his likeness. First of all we should never assume that we have no veil over our face. Our very humanity will keep us deceived about that. And then we have to remember that coming to that place of being fully transformed is a PROCESS and takes time - pretty much always more time than we think. The thought that has been most prominent about that is that I have to be able to see him in ALL the situations of my life. All the highs but also all the lows. It is not enough to see him in the highs but not in the lows. My response to the lows was to become afraid and then angry which would equal depression. In 2006 (I think) he tapped into the root of that and I think I shall always be on top now rather than the bottom of that issue. But I still have to walk through times of stress and uncertainty just like the rest of humanity. It's what I am able to do with those moments now that I wasn't able to before that counts.
Here is a picture that I took and a meditation that it inspired that expresses this journey for me. This was taken in 2004 so I guess I wrote this that same year.
I call this picture "Chasing the Sun". I see in it the story of what I consider the life of a Lover of Jesus to be all about.
But I'm not, of course, pursuing the sun. I'm pursuing the Son - Jesus, the Christ, the Son of God. I worship Him and my life is a continual pursuit of Him. I desire greater and greater measures of Him in me.
How can that be when He is already fully in me?
As I look at the trees in the picture, partially hiding the sun, I see my humanity partially impeding the expression of Jesus in me and I feel that I want more.
And so I pursue Him, seeing Him always somewhere a little ahead of me; not far, never far. He doesn't want me to lose sight of Him.
I am always in His presence. I feel Him; His warmth and His light permeate the depths of my inner self; his light shining into every area of my soul until it overcomes the darkness to rule over all.
The is the pursuit of my life. There is no other. Everything else in my life is the outworking of the expression of God in my life. In the circumstances of my life I find Him. Over and over I find Him. I gaze into His face in every circumstance until the veil of my humanity comes off and my heart is free to receive Him.
The sun is a type of the Son. It is always in its place doing its appointed work, giving warmth and light - showing the way. I can always trust the Son to be in His Place. Doing the work appointed Him by the Father - being the way.
The light of the sun will not disappear until its light is replaced by the light of the Son. Then will I dwell in His warmth forever.
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