Hold them loosely

Hold them loosely.

This is something God said to Larry and me many years ago and we have been doing that and learning HOW to do it better since then. I have been thinking about this for several days, since I was in KC this past weekend hanging out with people I've come to love and even became accustomed to having in my life regularly. And even more so today as I wrestle once again with a family that will not - can not - should not be something designed by me. My son and my daughter live lives that are very different from Larry and I. It can be hard to function within each other's rhythm. Our job is to respect their journey and be life-givers to them along the way as much as possible. Larry has watched this little journey of mine from a distance and though it's a lifestyle that he wouldn't choose he has chosen to hold me loosely while I walk some things out.

Hold them loosely.

So....what does that mean. It's really very simple in it's abstract form but bringing it down to into the concrete of living it out with people that you love and want to be in relationship with can sometimes be challenging.

I like the way our friend Staci Ojeda articulated it: "Hold them tightly in my heart but loosely with my hands." She's had to work this out for herself and so she expanded on the idea in a way that I think contributes greatly to the understanding of it. Doesn't it make sense? Tightly in our hearts - loosely in our hands. We can love somebody forever and esteem them and always keep the door of our heart and our life open to them but to hold them loosely in our hands means that we don't place on them the expectation that they be or do what WE have determined is the RIGHT thing.

Why is this so hard? There may be someone out there with some other ideas about this but my thoughts are that out of our own needs or desires (often another word for need) comes the expectations that we have of others. We expect them to do what we think they should and when they do then that fulfills our need and we think everything is great. When they DON'T do what we think they should then our need is not met and we then think everything is awful.

Look around you. People are doing it to each other all the time. We don't realize it because we fall into patterns in relationships that we think are in order but below the surface you have people doing what pleases other people rather than being what God would have them or expressing who they really are.

So HOW do we do this? I have found that the word RELEASE is very powerful. We release those that we are struggling with. Not to oblivion. Not out of your life. But release them from your expectations and needs. Release them to be the person they are supposed to be. Release them to whatever God has for them. Release them from relationship with you if necessary and yes, sometimes that is necessary. We will not always be able to track with everyone even the people closest to us and when that is the case it is better to let them out of your expectations while at the same time expressing your support for them in their own journey and not expect to be in their life all the time. You may find that in doing so you win a friend for life rather than losing them altogether or making an enemy.

Larry and I have had to learn to do this because of the life we've lived - moving from place to place always finding ourselves involved in new situations with new people. We've kept some friends fairly close through it all and some people we've lost completely and then there are those I can think of that we never see or talk to but I believe that if we showed up at their door or came across their path we would be welcome and I know that we would welcome them.

This is something I will continue to practice with my spiritual family and with my natural family. I think it's one of the best things God ever taught us.