Thoughts on Wishy Washiness

Mine specifically.

As I'm getting ready for my day this is what starts happening in my head. Thoughts about my own wishy washiness. It it's worst form that would be double mindedness and that's not a good thing at all. Such as that receives nothing from the Lord. And I do feel that I can see where this has cost me at times. Blessings that could have been had I gone forward in what I was planning out in my head. Other times I think it may have saved me because I also understand about myself that I can tend to go to fast and try to hard to make something happen and then I realize that I need to just back up and back off and while this may or may not be wishy washiness but wisdom at work instead to the outsider looking on this may seem to be wishy washiness. Normally I don't include others in my thought processes - except Larry, of course, to drive him crazy - but I think of a time that I did very deliberatly and then I didn't follow through and I wonder how that person thinks of that instance. I don't think I let them down in any thing that was truly important to them but I received encouragement and then just at the last moment - as my finger was on the trigger - I decided it was one of those times when I was trying to hard to make something happen that I didn't need to make happen.

There are puzzle pieces to this.

Three are found in Arthur Burk's teaching on the redemptive gifts where he says that one of the RD Teacher's great needs is to be right and that the RD Teacher is built for community and family yet is always uncertain of their place in said community or family and number three is that RD Teacher is generally neither a leader nor a follower - but tends to be a do our own thing kind of person. (I do love how those teachings helped me to understand me.)

Another piece is that I, along with millions of others in this world, have rejection issues. I don't like to be rejected any more than any one else and will try to protect myself which means that I might not do something that I really should for fear that it would be received.

So I like to know if what I'm doing is the right thing or not.

Have you ever put a question to God that goes like this... Father, should I do this or should I do this. And his answer is "Yes". Don'tcha hate that.

I want him to give me definitive answers and sometimes he just doesn't. I have to work it out and that is when I turn to that One who lives within me who is actually sometimes the one wanting to do something that will express himself in this world around me. As I grow I get better at letting him lead while I yield. Still a process sometimes because it can be a little start and stop and turn and shift but it's worth it in the end to know that you have walked with him to be lifegiving. And when I have walked with him I think it has always been lifegiving.

So there you have it. I'm wishy washy. And yet I'm not really and I know it. My heart is true to a desire to walk with my Lord by my spirit and not my soul. In this I am resolute.