After the moment

Monday morning. My last post was written on Friday. I'm amazed still at how cathartic writing can be. It's a way to organize your thoughts. It helps you win in the battleground of your mind. After I published my post I very quickly began to feel better, once again above and not below these circumstances. Part of that I know comes from stopping to actually look at what's happening. Over the years I've found that as long as my enemy stays hidden he retains a power over me. Recognition is an important part of the process of getting free.

Smart me to stop and examine what was happening. Smart me to listen to the promptings of my spirit. I just didn't like doing that knowing that people would be reading it - at least not that time. I re-read my post this morning and even though it doesn't sound so bad - certainly no worse than others I've written - it felt worse because I was in the moment. I do still try to remember to be lifegiving with whatever I write. In times past my rants and tirades were anything but lifegiving.

I'm very thankful at this moment for all that Holy Spirit has taught me over the last 15 (?) years. It started with spiritual warfare intercession and then went to deliverance then inner healing. I have ministered some of this to others but I will forever maintain that it's purpose was really because the God who created me wanted to set ME free and transform ME. What I can do for others I will but I'm not looking to be the "doctor" for what is happening in someone else's life. I'd rather be teacher - the one who teaches them how to fish as it were - so that they can then LIVE this reality. Actually that's not correct either. Holy Spirit is our Teacher, Counselor, Guide and works in us with the Strength he worked in Jesus to raise him from the dead to raise us from death to life. If anything I would be His assistant. Freely I have received - freely I would give.

See, I never take my mental and emotional wholeness for granted. I am what I am. He didn't fix me. He has taught me how to LIVE above. The principles of the kingdom are not for ooooing and aaahhhing over at the latest conference or for having someone else DO them so you can be the receiver. They are for us to learn, live and become something other than earthly beings.

Father has fathered me and he knew that I needed to be called to account in many areas so that I would grow - become more mature and take responsibility where appropriate and rightly divide the responsibility so that I could then reject false responsibility. We are in fact still working on these things. I know there is more to come. I know that there is still within me some inappropriate grief over the issues of my life. Here is an incident of understanding what is appropriate and what is not. Nothing wrong with grief and God does sometimes require that one live with pain - think Jacob and Paul and Joseph and Abraham and, and, and. But there is a grief that is not from him and I think some of that still rules over me where my life is concerned. Any yet I may have lived exactly the life that God chose for me. My son lives a life very different that what I would have planned for him. And yet he may be living what God would have notwithstanding some things that could be tweaked. But who am I to decide what would need to be tweaked and what would not? God said to me once concerning him that "he would walk in unusual places". So he may be walking where God wants him to walk. He is a grown man in this world. Surely God's not going to check with me on every thing he does. There are things that I was so sure of for so many years and I feel a chipping away at these things. Old statuary in the Garden. Did I build that or did You, Father?

Give me the grace to always be able to question me and to determine what is me trying to accomplish temporal purposes. Your's are eternal and your thoughts are higher than mine. Having said that I know that you are so willing to share your heart and mind with the yielded human heart and mind. Make me yielded so I can hear and see.