Thinking Thankful

Yesterday I read a Lady's blog and she talked about her own experience of coming to that place of realizing that though her personality and character and thoughts tend to be dark and, well, she used the term saturnine saying "the dark side of the moon is always welcoming to me". Larry sent me this blog to read because in her own way this Lady had come to the conclusion that it was OK to be this way. She, like me, fought it for years and the fighting of it only made it worse. As she put it "writhing and twisting and rejecting it as something broken about my humanity". That's the way I had felt for so long. As though I were deformed or something.

Jesus spoke to that unbelieving place in my heart and said "I'm not trying to fix you". Then I understood that he was comfortable with me and I stopped trying to be what I wasn't and started learning to be who I am.

Today I'm so thankful for that moment in time. I'm thankful for the peace that I live in as I wait with the Lord for Larry's work to materialize and to finally be settled in a home of my own. My present situation would have been more than I could bear in times past because things have not worked out "right". Sometimes I shop the real estate markets to see what's out there and yes I dream of possibilities and there are things I know I can't do til I am in my own place but as never before in my life I feel grounded in the reality of today. This present moment. In KC God spoke a word to me and said that I would learn to live in the reality of the present moment. I seem to be achieving that -- for the most part (we make no assumptions still).

I don't know anymore if I am truly a Saturnine type person or not. I probably am but I have learned some keys about staying in the light. Interesting.....I learned one day that staying in the light in the natural world was a key. If I was depressed I could get out in the sunshine or even open the curtains and soon I would be feeling better. Same for the spirit. Stay in the light.

Even so - this is not to discount the darker side and the thoughts and perceptions that come from that. There is a reality there that is just as valid. Unchecked it can be dangerous. It can be destructive. It is very heavy and hard to hold but nevertheless it has important things to say. It is me. It has been my journey. Father told me once never to be ashamed of my history. So I embrace it and bring it to him continually so that he can bring the life that is there into the reality of my today.

Another quote from the Lady that I relate to -- "I write better when I am melancholy. I am more attached to my soul, like Wendy sewing Peter Pan's shadow back on, it feels more solid to me, even in it's increased wistfulness and fogginess. I have found this place, rather than something to be feared and fought against, is a place all my own that is a part of me for a reason."

I've said I want to write more but the thing I have to overcome is the idea that when everything is OK there's nothing to write about. See how I think. So today I wanted to express my Thankful Heart.

I hope that this lady's journey continues to be lifed with Truth.