Having/being the baby

Been thinking about that dream and about Annette's comments. You know when God speaks to us by whatever means, what he says can speak to many levels. In one sense I can feel myself in the place of being the baby. Something started in me the year I turned 50. But it took until the day I walked out of KC for the freedom of the open door to start manifesting itself in my life. I am a baby right now myself and like any little child that is growing in the world I'm trying to find my voice and an ability to express who I am and what it is that I think is important. Some of it I'm just figuring out. So I guess there's a lot of birthing going on here - a lot of new things. Some things that, as much as I love sharing in this blog, will never find their way here because they are too, too personal and there is still wisdom in discretion. Some of it is me and Larry stuff and that is precious treasure that he and I share alone. But the principles I get out of all of this is mainly what I always want to bring out.

I find myself thinking about a small conference Larry and I went to in Alabama one year - early 2000's. The speaker was Martha Kilpatrick. That was one of those times that God just dropped into my heart the feeling that I needed to go to that conference. We really had a battle getting out of town that day because Larry had one issue after another with work. It was kinda wild but we made the drive and it turned out to be one of the most INTENSE weekends of my life as God dug deep into a very specific area of wounding and the resulting judgements and how they were at work in my life. Maybe that will be another story for another day. So I got some real healing there but also I heard a couple of things that have stayed with me ever since.

One of those things is about becoming.

Martha was talking about David - shepherd, king, lover of God, son, father, warrior - and the things God showed her about him. What stayed with me was the understanding that it was never about David being the King. I use that definition in particular because we always see ourselves as becoming......"something" and that seemed to be the pinnacle of his life. And that "something" becomes the definition of who we are.

I began to understand then that the "something" could not be the thing that defined me. Labels don't matter. Ministry or mother or teacher or photographer or accounting assistant or wife or, or, or, or, or. None of these things are the reason I am here on this earth. I am here to become. All of the 'somethings" are "places" within my journey that contribute to my becoming. God owns all those places and I get to visit them along the way. Whether I do those things well, or badly is part of the journey to becoming and I am not judged by that.

I am here to become. And to the end of my days in this time/space continuum (Tom Dooley, Dallas radio talk show host) I will be becoming. I may be 50+ish but I can still give birth and I may do this again at 60 and 70 and 80.