Now What part 2

I was pondering the question on my walk the other day and while I liked Annette's answer about learning to "just be" I - being me I guess - thought that needed some definition. I don't really want to fall back on what "me" in an unguided form might turn out to be.

You see, I've been guided for many years now by some rules of behavior that are no longer my guideposts. Not all of them were external, but some big ones were. They weren't necessarily bad but they weren't of that eternal essence that has real transforming power for myself. They did help me to be lifegiving to others but not really to myself. They just kept some behaviors in check.

Control is not the same thing as deliverance or transformation. I am not and never have been after control but transformation. When you are transformed there is no longer need to control because that which needed controlling is changed or gone.

So as I shed the rules of behavior and find myself on my own, I find that I still want to be lifegiving. That's the thing that I felt God drop in my heart as I was walking. It's always been my heart to do that even before the word lifegiving came to my ears through the teachings of Arthur Burke. I do love that word. I think it's a very good word and it means a lot to me. But without those rules to hold me in a certain place, I've noticed that the way I respond to some things and the way I handle some things can be other than lifegiving. I'm having to do some damage control as "I" am finding a little bit different voice and expression.

My own natural impatience and selfishness is pressing to have a voice and I really don't want to be in any kind of agreement with those things. But I can't deny their reality. I am but human. But on the other hand I have LIFE living in me. And it is that LIFE that is in me that I still want to allow expression to. That is the eternal guide that will allow me to be lifed even while I life others.

Yes, I am learning to "just be". To be me and to know me and I like me. But we are instructed to think soberly concerning ourselves and that's what I'm doing this morning. I'm not beating myself up or trying to expect perfection. Recognition of something that is taking place is the first step to correction. I'm just trying to recognize the changes taking place so that I can grow in the right ways.

Well, this post took a serious turn. I didn't really expect this line of thought. It's what I love about doing this. It's a place where I look at me and work out my stuff but because of love - because I love those who read this I want it to have something that will life them also. It taps into the eternal at least for me. I am still doing what I was doing but in a different way; from a different place.