More about rebellion

I knew the other day that I had not said all I wanted to say on the issue of rebellion in my heart but the guy was here to set up the wireless so I had to get off. It's just as well that it happened that way because I've had a chance to process the rebellion issue some more from a different direction and I want to see if I can better clarify the part it has played.

It may seem that rebellion was the reason that I left KC. It wasn't. It was there and it was in my heart and it was definitely applying pressure but I left because I felt my Father's permission to do so. Had rebellion been the reason for my doing something like this I probably would have done it long ago. In my heart of hearts I know that the strength of my effort has be to be obedient. But you know, it is possible to be obedient to the wrong thing and there is no peace in that. My obedience for many years has been to the traditions of men as I was raised up in an atmosphere that taught that the woman was to follow the man and that the call of ministry was paramount.

So yes, I've been rebellious for a long time not knowing what I was rebelling against and having no other place to put that rebellion I would direct it towards God and my husband while as the same time being obedient to go and do as I felt I was expected to. The mutual submission of a husband and wife and the partnership that can develop from a correct understanding of that is something that God has been working into Larry and me for many years. He has been changing us in a line upon line, precept upon precept kind of way.

Though Larry has had some things to work out himself, he has been totally supportive of me in this process. We are having to come to some DIFFERENT places of agreement than where we have been before and in all of this we are pursuing The Truth. Our desire is to know what is the true expression of Jesus in our lives. Where there is not truth we get uncomfortable. We have never lived apart before but we have in other more acceptable (?) ways, MANY times in our marriage walked this road as we have adjusted and readjusted our understanding.

I say all this knowing that different people are going to process it all in different ways. I'm OK with that and don't intend to get into a mode of defending me or us or our journey. But I do want to speak as clearly as I can and that's what this post is about. I knew in my heart that the previous one wasn't complete. So if I left any of you questioning my motives I hope this helps.

Yes, as I went just now to that other post I have to say that it was worded badly but I needed to get it out where I could talk about it. So I'm going to give myself the grace to have done something badly until I could do it better.