OK -- There are bound to be days when things don't look good or feel good. Today is such a day. There are things that I struggle with still. The life that Larry and I have lived in God has moved us from place to place, always changing, starting over every few years. Today I'm looking at that and looking at my resume and seeing very tangibly what the cost can be of doing the thing that God would have you do. Especially in office work, prospective employers like to see a history of longevity in previous positions. They like to see stability and I know that this is not what they are seeing on my resume. It's a very discouraging thing. And yet I know that all that is needed is for his breath to blow and give life to my job search. Today I don't feel that he's doing that at all. The thought of starting in a place as though I were 20 is very hard for me and yet that may be the thing that I have to do.
So today is a hard day. But as I battle this out in my mind I'm noticing a difference from past battles. There is no anger toward God or feeling that he has betrayed me. I just know that he's going to have to help me at moments like this and in time he will bring the sense of it all. I will keep doing what I'm doing -registering with staffing agencies and sending out my resume.
And I will lean into this scripture that he gave me not long after I arrived here:
Phil. 4:4-7 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
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