Gifts at the end of road.

I walked around the Dallas Arboretum today. It was part two of "walking my land". I didn't go last Thursday because I knew I would need more time than I had left of that day. I didn't go over the weekend because... it was a busy weekend. But I was determined to go today. I did my duty and called the staffing agencies about work but I was really hoping they would not need me. I was determined to go. It was as important to me to go check this out as it was to check out the lake.

And WOW!!!!

Now I do love a nice botanical garden of any size and scope and have since our sojourn in Tempe, AZ. They have a beautiful one there that my daddy and I went to and that got me started. Not far from there is a large one that focuses more on it's trees and landscape than flowers. It was wonderful also. Then Kansas City offered Powell Gardens and Kauffman Gardens.

But as I walked over the gardens today I was truly amazed. Besides being Texas sized the color and life that greeted me as I entered was stunning. Maybe that's just because I love azaleas so much and there was a wall of them. Every size and color to see. It was amazing and wonderful to me. I started down a path and found that there is no end of gardens and gardens within gardens to see. And then there are the vistas - larges grassy places for people to picnic and play. And then there are the views of the lake - sometimes just a peek and sometimes its own vista.

I wish I could tell the entirety of my story in this one post so that I could convey the feelings I had there. I said before that when this transition is fully made then it will be the end of a much larger one spanning twenty years. This twenty years has been quite a journey. It began when God spoke to our hearts to walk a different walk - a walk that would take us out of the mainstream Christian Church where we had been for many years. We had already moved quite a bit in our married life but at this point the moves became specifically a part of the journey and were directed by God. Just to give a reference point for anyone to whom that might not make sense - think of how God sends a missionary to where he's supposed to be. That was the way He directed us in our geographical changes. It didn't make sense a lot of the time. There were some amazing (spiritual) mountaintops and some amazing (emotional) swamps. There were the lovely valley experiences too but it was hard when they ended sometimes. Always changing and we had no grid for understanding this journey and what it was about and what we were to do and how and really.... we were not equipped for this at all. Lately I've been very conscious of the feeling that we could have done it better. Very bothered by it in fact. I won't even try to elaborate on that point. Here's the climax of this short essay on our life.

Though I have been "bothered" by what I saw as my "failure" (can I get a witness!?) I have determinedly looked to everything in our history that pointed to the reality that all along the way God's determination was to bless us and give us good gifts. If we were not able to hold on to some of those good gifts - well that was just us and not Him and those experiences have become part of His revelation of Himself to us.

But today as I walked the paths of the garden I was awed by His goodness to Larry and me. Knowing us and the things that we enjoy and that are life-giving to us - to find ourselves living in the vicinity - even within blocks of these two places - is more and over and above what we could have asked. (OK - we still have to get a house but we've scoped out a neighborhood). Larry loves the mountains but Dallas isn't in the mountains. I thought of him as I walked and I could see him enjoying the vistas and views because he loves that. Who would think you'd find them here. To be in some of the places there is to feel as though you are on the side of a hill - some of these places are quiet and secluded.

Except for that lack of an actual mountain I don't think we could have asked for anything better to be at the end of our journey and the beautiful gift that God gave me at that moment was to understand that whether we did it well or badly didn't matter to our Father. He just wanted to give us the gift of himself and what better place for us than in a place where we can immerse ourselves in the natural world. All that and still be in the geographical location that is important to him.

I called Larry to share these thoughts with him and cried. Yes. Right there in the park. Public place. People. Oh well. It was important. Some things shouldn't wait for later.