2010 Day 1 - Change

I've made some changes and I have a new blog. You can find me here from now on ....

http://annsopendoor.wordpress.com/

Last day thoughts

Last day of the year.

Last page of Chapter 1.

A year of stretching - are those stretch marks I see. I will wear them willingly and hopefully with humility. Funny how through the years you think you have been through the hardest time of your life - over and over and over. Then comes another. Labor pains. Birthing the real you.

Birthing Christ.

Am I done? Dunno. But that's OK. As Father goes ever deeper I am ever free-er to be.

I'm so glad that God is faithful. That means I can be human. And it means that I will not forever be trapped in this humanity. I will certainly wear it in this time/space place but it will not always rule over me.

I actually wasn't going to share pictures of our Christmas at all this year. I especially didn't want to share my candle display. It's very special to me because it's the first time in all my adult years that the thing I did for Christmas was the thing that was in my heart.

Also because it’s a little cheesy – but that quiet voice inside me that keeps me coming back here won’t let it alone.

I warn you - what you are going to see in the pictures below IS kinda cheesy - but keep two things in mind. 1) I really didn't want to spend any money on decorations and 2) it's a prototype - the first such display. Now I know where I'm going .

This idea came to me from two places. It rang in my mind, it rang in my heart. I’m not saying that it will mean the same to you as it does to me. That’s OK. The Lord has a unique expression through each one.

The words from John Chapter 1.....

¹In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. ²He was with God in the beginning.

³Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. ⁴In him was life, and that life was the light of men. ⁵The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood^[a] it.

⁶There came a man who was sent from God; his name was John. ⁷He came as a witness to testify concerning that light, so that through him all men might believe. ⁸He himself was not the light; he came only as a witness to the light. ⁹The true light that gives light to every man was coming into the world.

¹⁰He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. ¹¹He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. ¹²Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— ¹³children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God.

¹⁴The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only,who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

And a little song learned ... maybe in my childhood - or maybe in the years I spent teaching Sunday School 30+ years ago. The words....

Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world.

Red and Yellow, Black and White, they are precious in his sight

Jesus loves the little children of the world.

The small lights are us in all our diversity basking in the greater light that is Jesus. Shining the same light that He shines.

Maybe His light is even for kitties - Honey loved sitting with us on Christmas morning, looking at the light of the candles.

This was not the first time that I had been captivated by the verses in John. They are old favorites. To me the fact that Christ came and brought light is the important thing. A study of the world light one time showed me that that word "light" means "vitality" - life force. He came to be my life force - He is my life force. I cannot imagine life without him.

He didn't just bring this for a few favored ones. He brought it for the whole world. Religion does not always work for everyone but everyone can receive this "life force" and let it live through them in their life what ever it may be.

I want to close this year with this thought ringing through all the parts of me.

He is my Light and my Life

Toward midnight Larry and I will meet by the fire and quietly commune with our God.

He is our Light and our Life.

This weekend we'll get together with friends and we will share - give AND receive - this Light and Life with them.

And so I share my candles.....

The following is from the Old Farmer's Almanac which I get all the time through email. I like to read the stuff they say about the seasons and the holidays. As I read it I thought about how as the years have gone by I have more and more wanted to find myself in a quiet place at midnight. Could it be that my spirit was longing to allow God to be the one taking me into a new year? Could it be that my spirit, without understanding, was trying to yield to his expression instead of the world around me? I like to think so and this year I will think of the words below and with greater understanding will let my mind be in agreement with what my spirit is drawn too.

From the Old Farmer's Almanac......

New Year’s Eve—December 31
Among the various superstitions surrounding the advent of the New Year is the nearly mandatory practice of noisemaking at midnight.

Now looked upon as mere revelry, it was once meant to drive out the old year and banish evil spirits, who would be scared off by the noise.

Many end-of-year practices actually date from ancient times. As early as 2600 B.C., Babylonians celebrated the new year with 11-day-long feasts and originated the noisemaking habit.

• In ancient Thailand, guns were fired to frighten off demons.
• In China, firecrackers routed the forces of darkness.
• In the early American colonies, the sounds of pistol shots rang through the air.

Today, Italians let their church bells peal, the Swiss beat drums and pots and pans, and North Americans sound sirens, car horns, boat whistles, and party horns—as well as set off fireworks—to bid the old year farewell.

The end of Chapter One

This year is almost over.

This is the year that I called Chapter One. We may be 50 somethings and we may have been married 35 years and we may have moved many times but even so..... it was right to call this year Chapter One.

This last month has epitomized what this year is about.

As Thanksgiving and Christmas approached we stopped to talk about starting over with these holidays. So many times down through the years these holidays have been subject to any thing other than what would be lifegiving to our own little family - for many reasons that I won't try to deal with. Yes, sometimes it was great - but a pattern of a great holiday followed by a not so great holiday gets old.

This year Larry and I talked about starting again. We talked about where WE want to go with these holidays. We walked in agreement with each other letting our hearts connect in purpose and direction. That's bigger than you might know, dear reader, and there is such hope and peace in that.

The other significant thing about these last two months is that God dug deeper into the deepest parts of me by turning my attention to the issue of shame. This was a hard one to tackle but absolutely necessary to understand why I could not seem to get over some things and why I kept reacting to people and words and situations. (I've concluded that I am a very, very deep person. : ) )

So I am here at the end of chapter one with a better understanding of hope.

I'm looking forward to chapter two.

Many years ago - like very early 90's God gave me this definition of faith:

******Faith is perceiving what God is doing in the spirit realm and joining him there.

Does that mean that if you join him there (where ever that is at the moment) then you are on a mountaintop experience? Or that you are resting beside still waters.

I say not necessarily.

I think that often there is a path to getting to those places that is part of that faith walk but has a flavor all it's own. And it can be a bit messy and stinky and all kinds of stuff like that.

Larry and I seem to have found ourselves on such a path at this point as Father once again digs deep into some areas that we, if left to ourselves, would probably just cover up or walk away from.

In times past I would have despaired at finding myself in this place. But now I know that this part of the process is just as much walking by faith as anything else that is walking by faith. We must go this way to get to the resting place.

Interesting - I just had a sensation of the still waters being right along beside me. And with that comes the understanding that they are there for me to access at anytime - even during the hardest moments the place of rest is right there with me.

So the destination is not the resting place but freedom? Yes, I think that's it. It's freedom from some shackles that we're after. And along the way we at least have times of rest if we are not yet able to do this from the place of rest.

But evidentally the rest is always with us. The quiet pasture.

Digging Deeper

I know I said - somewhere in all these blog posts - there is a post where I mention - sort of off handedly - that I knew there would be more things in me that God would find ....find?....to deal with.

Something that he woud find? Goodness. Sometimes I get amused at what comes out of me. God doesn't find things in us. You know that. I know that.

He reveals what is there. He's been knowing it for a long time. Maybe even a long long long time.

He goes deeper than the last time. I must be a very deep person.

But are we ever really ready for the revealing of it. I think it's like saying you are prepared for the death of a loved one. Not.

So now I have cycled and almost spiraled but he has caught me and is holding me in place so that I can process this new thing and in the end I will be the head instead of the tail and more than a conquerer.

Christians get very concerned about the enemies that are out there in the world. All the ungodliness and evil that we see all around us.

Those are not the enemies. The enemies are found within us.

Rainy Day in Texas

It's a cold rainy day here in Texas. A cold rainy day with a bit of snow mixed in.

*****Newsflash*****

Suddenly it really IS snowing. Beautiful, big, flakes of snow coming down in swirls and twirls, filling the sky with polka dots in motion.

Where is my camera when I need it?!

I imagine G & T are showing miss Abbi the wonders of snow right now.

But then there is the reality of snow in Texas. As beautiful as this is it's not freezing on the road and unless it gets much colder and freezes the ground the beautiful snow will just melt away. It will be no different that if it had just rained.

Sometimes the ground does freeze and the snow sticks but usually there's not enough of it to really cover. Ends up looking like a dirty mess.

A friend in Kansas City said on Facebook that she was jealous because I was getting snow. Not to be jealous I said. She has always lived in Kansas City and when it snows there it really snows. I guess my few years in KC taught me to appreciate a real snow. Our first year there we moved in 60+ degree January weather and in February it snowed 10 inches. Very cool. If I had the pictures from that first snow I'd post'em.


So while I sit here at my desk at work, thankful for the windows in the office across from me that make it possible to see the snow, I am also very aware that it will be gone soon.

I think my perspective of this snow is representative of the more realistic mind that I have grown into. And it also speaks to me of what I am learning about hope.

This snow may be beautiful right now but in the long run it doesn't really signify anything. It will leave no lasting impression. There have been many moments/hours/seasons in my life that seemed so very wonderful but the aftermath was either nothing or a mess. I invested hope for my life based on those moments/hours/seasons. When they came to nothing or I had the mess to deal with I crashed. I could not maintain hope.

I am - really am - learning to hope in God now. I am finding it easier to let life be what it's going to be. I don't feel so powerless now that I have learned how important it is to make my contribution to the direction and plan of this life in this valley. But neither am I feeling the need to control it.

Beautiful snow - embrace the moment for the gift that it is without expecting what it cannot be.

In the valley

So the man and the woman came to the end of a bridge. It was a long bridge. There was a time of lingering at the end of the bridge before they stepped off. You might think they were surveying the land that they were about to enter into and they were .... or so she thought.

Do explorers ever really see what is waiting for them in the unexplored places? How can you know what's behind the next curve or boulder? Things jump out at you sometimes.

Some people are settlers at heart. Some people are pioneers. But to get where the settler is to settle I suppose there must be a time of pioneering and discovering. It's a good time for the pioneers until the settling and building of structures begins. Then there is the fittng of something expansive into boundaries.

The man and the woman of this journey are very definitely in the valley now and building has begun. The foundation of their life is still solid. So far no earthquake has been powerful enough to break this Rock. Two by fours are going up. The man has remarked more than once in his life that he loves to see a house in the stage of being built that it is all studs and rafters.

In the land of the intangibles what is a stud or a rafter?

Decisions.

Perhaps it's the decisions we make about the life we are going to live.

Hours - maybe days - maybe weeks of conversations. A subject taken out, held in their now open hands to be examined as thoroughly as they can with the help of Holy Spirit. Emotions do not hide themselves at such times as these.

A decision made. A stud goes up.

Joining with other people. People who have been distant now close. People thought lost now in sight.

Holding a relationship that before was touched and then left. A rafter is set in place.

She has watched the man, for many years a carpenter, build houses. She's watched the process of setting these things in place and securing them. Not simple in the natural act. Even less simple in the realms of the emotion and the spirit.

At times the process can push the boundaries toward despair. But then God comes in a quiet moment and says Hope. The lady is listening.

Isaiah 40....They that wait upon/hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will mount up on wings as eagles. They will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint.

He is teaching that lady - finally - to wait and not be afraid of hope.

Photo Musings Autumn

Arthur Burk in his own words

I just read one of Arthur Burks articles addressing the issue of being called a cult leader. I thought it was a very good article and you can find it here if you would like to read it ...


http://i.b5z.net/i/u/1627875/f/About_Cult_Leaders.pdf

Writing

So this morning as I was driving to work I had a fleeting thought about writing and what would I write if I wrote. It came to my mind that I had taken a writing class one semester many many years ago and my success with one of the assignments. Using that assignment as a guide I thought I would see if I could describe a typical morning so I came up with this. It is a description of a typical morning using this morning as the basis but using thoughts, etc. from other morning to make it something typical.

I'm not saying this is really earth shattering interesting but I was pleased with my result and thought I'd just share it here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It is dark when she arises - as always she misses the sun. She’s a sun lover. The day is normal, whatever that might mean. The shower is good, hot water running over her body. Cold air greets her at the end. The desire to get back in and stand is strong but the day waits.

Showered and made up and coiffed and garmented she then steps into the kitchen for the next tier of preparations - a daily regimen of vitamins without which she refuses to live. Life was getting hard before the discovery of vitamins and minerals and hormone assistance. There’s an old, probably expired, packet of migraine pills in the cabinet, a reminder of those days.

There are some thoughts accompanying her today - nagging issues that hang out in the back of her mind concerning some of life's chronic life pains. Once these life pains were debilitating, freezing her inside the world of fear and depression, making her angry. Stress was a constant companion and her body and mind were not appreciative. She paid a price. Her family didn’t fair very well under the load either. They all appreciate the vitamins and the fairly recent resolutions she’s embraced.

These thoughts are only fleeting. The clock keeps her on track. Work is waiting.

She stops to visit with Hub in the room they have dubbed his “man space”. She finds him there each morning starting his day getting the news and checking up on all his friends on a popular social network. She does that too on the days she's ahead of schedule. He reads and researches a great deal also so perhaps he is in that place.

These two are as opposite as two people can be. The relational challenges they have faced in thirty five years of marriage are myriad. The crises points numerous. The history of them is a book in itself. Today they live in peace. There is no doubt that they love each other and by the grace of a good and faithful and enduring Father they have reached today.

He opens his Bible to a marked passage in Psalms. He’s been reading this passage for a few weeks now. “Lord, teach us to live wisely and well” it begins. Would that that had been their prayer in the beginning. It wasn’t. Begin where you are. “Give us some good times to make up for the bad times”. Yes, Lord.

She kisses him good by for the day, gathers up purse and food bag and steps out into the still dark morning. Though she misses the sun she doesn’t begrudge the night it’s few more hours. She goes to work early by choice so that she can come home early.

The parking lot is wet and the air is filled with drizzle. She parks her little Cadillac on the back side of the lot. They live in an apartment complex and rather than contend for the two up close spots she found a spot just to the side of the garages, just beside the trailer Hub has his equipment in, to park. Much better in her mind as everyone seems to acknowledge that particular space as hers. She doesn’t like to change all the time. Hubby thinks she’s a little crazy for not taking the up close spaces when they’re empty but she’d rather have her sure thing all the time than the good thing occasionally.

Driving to work she talks to her God, that one she finally came to know as Father. She is trying to learn to ask him daily for help. Even as a woman “of a certain age” she has come to understand how large a portion of herself is not grown up. She needs her Father. She needs to learn how to let him Father her. She’s working on it.

This drive to work is a leisurely one and daily she is thankful to not be on the interstate highway. Every day she drives south past the lake and then west through some of the older area of the City. The scenery switches from lovely to distressing as quickly as crossing a street; from one cultural expression to another. She loves it. She’s where she wants to be. Years ago they had lived in a suburb of the City. She loved it there. They gave up their house and lived in other places for a time. When it was time to come home her heart cried out to be in this City. Hub was agreed and so they came, a long, somewhat difficult journey in itself to get to the settling down place. Today this journey is still in its flow – there’s a house somewhere in the future.

The remote opens the gate and she turns into the parking lot of the nondescript building where she spends her days. Again she parks on the outer rim of the parking lot necessitating the need to pull out the umbrella on this rainy day. At this hour many spots are empty in the parking area under the building but she doesn’t like to park there. On a stormy day she’ll do it but not for a drizzle or even a steady rain. She makes sure she has on sturdy, solid shoes for rainy days.

The code is entered to go in the door, the elevator goes up and deposits her on the third floor of a two story building. The parking lot is the bottom floor. Codes and fenced parking lots are a premium here. This is part of downtown and people have wants and needs and too often, no boundaries. Another “small” thing to be thankful for. She could be working for a company where she parks in the garage down the street and walks a few blocks to work.

At her desk and it’s still dark outside. In an hour or so it will either stay dark because of clouds or clear off and let the sunshine in through the slit windows. She misses the sun but this is an improvement over her first office. As much as she liked being tucked away in that back corner she prefers sunshine and people. After all, she is a social person - and a sun lover.

And again the irony of this job hits her as she looks around the desk wondering “what about that work”? The job is not busy. Most days there is enough but some days it provides her with only a few hours of work. This day it would seem that it will stop with one hour. Perhaps something will present itself along the way. Perhaps her hardest decision will be whether to take some personal time and leave early. Thankful she is however, to have a job right now. She has favor here and does well what she does. She cringes a little bit as she thinks about “looking” busy all day. The small amount of filing to be done isn’t going to help much and she’s already worked ahead.

But this is today and she meets it with resolve to simply be the best her she can be in it.

Thinking things.

Thinking things and wanting to write.

Writing helps me to organize thoughts that are fleeting and fly away. But not today I guess.

Interconnected thoughts make stories hard to tell - points become cumbersome.

Maybe never important to any other soul but important to me. Ultimately it's enough to know.

I love this - this being able to look a something I consider a "failure" and my reaction to it and then to trace the action and the reaction to the roots that produced such fruit.

It arms me - gives me weapons to use against an unseen enemy that works diligently to steal, kill and destroy in my life.

And did a good job for many years - still meeting the costs of 20+ years of inability.

It's wonderful now to at least be armed with knowledge and understanding.

I am still new. In previous posts I spoke of going backward to something more like a child. I'm still there in some ways. But also...ready to grow up. To become.

The word deliberate comes to mind. I'll see over time how that gets applied in my growing up process.

It's Ok to be me

Recently I was involved in an activity where I was front and center - sort of leading the thing. I sorta knew it would be that way but I never did really stop and take the time to really prepare myself.

And so...I did a bad job of it.

My performance issues and some other things kicked in later in the day - when all the activity and hubub had settled and of course, I cried.

I would so love to be perfect and do all things well and be very impressive.

I'm not.

And I know it.

I like myself anyway. I can always go back to the place of liking myself as I am because of Father. It's OK with him if I'm not perfect. It's OK with him if I'm not impressive in the eyes of the world around me - even those who see me up close.

He told me a few years ago that he wasn't trying to fix me. I am who I am. Had I grown up differently I might actually be more impressive but now that I am 50+ I'm probably going to continue to be who I am.

I'm not always OK with me but I'm always OK with him.

A few years ago I was actively involved in ministering to people. I worried about this a lot back then. He made me to understand that when HE is doing something he may ask for/require our participation but he doesn't require or even ask for perfection on our part.

What freedom there is in Him to just be human.

So I cried through my journey back to that place in him where I could hear him say to me that it's not about me. It's about Him and He did what He wanted to do.

Mary and Martha

Was Mary Mary because she sat at Jesus feet? Was Martha not Mary because she was doing stuff?

Not in my opinion.

Many years ago I studied this out. But until this morning it was still a struggle for me. I am not a sitter. Some people are created for motion and for doing. I'm one of those.

When I studied this - 199o or 91 - the word that caught my attention was the word part. Jesus said that Mary had chosen the better PART. I checked that word in the Strong's and the meaning was partake. Mary partook of Jesus as she sat with him. She partook of his very self and nature.

Still have I have struggled because I am not a sitter and in recent years the trend was to put emphasis on sitting - various forms of it. But I move and do. My meditations take place as I move and do. Whether sitting or moving I must look into his face in order to be changed - transformed - into his likeness. I see his face in my life. I see his face in the circumstances of my life as I move and do. When I can't I tend to despair but as soon as the veil of my own incorrect seeing, my own incorrect reasoning is pulled back and I can see him and receive him then I can do what this heart in this busy body wants to do. I receive him and partake of his nature and I am changed.

I've been working on another layer of an old old...old problem. I've been on the verge of tears for a few days now. My emotions ready to spill over.

Today I woke up early and I guess Father wanted to talk about this issue. So we talked but there seemed to be no resolution. Even as I was finishing up my preps for getting on with my day - telling him I had to quit crying because I had to go to work - the answer came. In a moment in a twinkling of an eye - change....transformation? Change - yes, right now a changed mind..... transformation that is happening - an ongoing phenomenon.

In the midst of my busyness as I prepared for the day I partook of Jesus and now I understand something I didn't understand before and I know that what my mind was declaring out of years of hurt is not true. It wasn't a new revelation. It was a building upon the word he spoke to me in Kansas City that got to the root of my inability to trust him.

Eyes in the wrong place.

Incorrect thinking.

Jesus is the truth and the truth sets me free but it must get past my mind and touch the lie that lives in my inner being. That is partaking of him and giving him the freedom to transform me into his likeness. I can do this sitting or moving.

My interpretation of Mary and Martha is that those two women are types of our heart. Some hearts are facing Jesus and partaking of him no matter what's going on. Some hearts are too busy to take the time to allow him to transform them.

I don't know - other hearts are not mine to judge. But I am confident this morning that my heart is facing HIM and that I am being transformed and that the life and vitality of my whole self is coming from him.

Jesus, my banqueting table

In John Chapter 6 Jesus presents himself to his listeners as the bread from heaven.

verses 32-35...Jesus said to them, "I tell you the truth, it is not Moses who has given you the bread from heaven, but it is my Father who gives you the true bread from heaven. For the bread of God is he who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world."

"Sir," the said, "from now on give us this bread."

Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. he who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty."

I pondered this several years ago when I was involved in activities that challenged me. I felt that I was doing the thing that God would have me do but I can honestly say that I didn't relish all parts of it and if I did it again - which I am open to - I'm sure that I will again not relish all parts of it.

I came to understand that the important part to myself personally was not what I was doing for others but what that experience was doing for me. In the doing of this thing I was experiencing Jesus and I was maturing my taste buds.

Now, we know that bread is used metaphorically. Not just here but in many different contexts the word bread can represent our daily sustenance. We feed our bodies and we feed our minds. And we certainly take into our selves more than just the one item - bread. Our diet, whether for our bodies, minds, souls or whatever is made up of many things. We need a balance, the experts and experience tell us, to be healthy.

I believe same with Jesus. As I was engaged in this activity and I began to understand that I was experiencing Jesus through this activity I began to form a picture in my mind of a table filled with food. That food was my "Bread" and it was diverse. The table was very large and at one end it had the dishes I love. At the other end were the dishes I don't love. Some I truly hate and just will not eat - talking about actual food dishes here. In the middle they sort of mingle. My desire of course, is to hang out at the end of the table with the dishes I love. Who wouldn't? But if I am not willing to go to that other end of the table and eat the food I don't like - or think I don't like - how will I really know about them? In this natural world - I don't care, really, if I never eat those things or ever know what they taste like.

But when I see Jesus as that banqueting table I understand that to experience all of him I have to be willing to pick up tasks that are "unpalatable". Each person would know for themselves what that might be. Does that mean I will experience all of him in this life? I think probably not. I am realizing that my age and previous experiences make me more reluctant than when I was younger and didn't know what I was getting into. I would want to know now that it was definitely God and not just my enthusiasm or zeal that was taking me to that other end of the table. I am definitely more cautious about what I pick up to partake of.

But I don't want to become complacent or unwilling. There are many aspects of God that I want to experience. One thing that is different is that I don't have the drive that was born of out of control emotions. It's a bit fascinating to think of the places in God that the fear/anger/despair took me to.

I'm eyeing some dishes at the other end of the table. Things that I have tasted before and things that I have not. Some I desire to eat - even tho I don't relish all parts of them - but I must wait for Father to prepare the dish. Some I desire to eat because I just know there is something good for me there. I think honesty would compel me to say that some I don't want to eat. We'll see what changes more time brings. Well, I guess my own appetite and desires are all over the place right now as I am in an emotional growth spurt while my little inner child grows up. I hope that I will never lose the desire to taste those unfamiliar portions of the Lord. Mary had chosen the better part - she had chosen to partake of Jesus. That's what I want to do - partake of Him. What we eat is what we become. And what we become is what we will express to the world around us. I want to express the nature of Jesus. It is being formed in me and that is yet an unfinished work.

Treating each other with respect

Sometimes I rummage around in other blogs to see what I can find. I don't follow very many (friends and family and certain ministries and sometimes news) because there is a lot of good stuff out there and it takes a lot of time to read what everybody has to say. So I skip and jump and get different flavors.

Today I ran across one that was about Arthur Burk. The blog writer did NOT like him or his teachings. Now I know that stuff like that is out there. I know that Arthur and many others have many detractors as well as followers. If I were so inclined there are those that I might be a detractor of. I don't want to do that. I don't often come across any of these because I don't go looking for this type of stuff but I was trying to get Arthur Burk's blog on my reader and I saw this and decided to take a look.

It's really appalling when people put other people down. And as I saw in the comments, others were then encouraged to do the same. This from a man who says about himself that he is passionate for Jesus and uses his blog to teach Biblical Principles.

Hmmmm Pause for reflection.

He does also point out that his posts are subject to change as he grows in the knowledge of Jesus Christ. Hopefully that is all of us.

None of us are perfect and I am not perfect in this area of judging either. We are allowed to disagree with each other but does that mean we can also slander each other?

Here is the link to that post - if I am going to disagree with that man in my blog I'm going to at least let him have his say. http://russellaroberts.blogspot.com/2009_04_01_archive.html. I'm confident that Arthur will bear up under such opinions. I am not just disagreeing with what he said about Arthur - I am disagreeing with his approach - with his critical and, I think, uninformed and even ugly statements. Arthur is not the final word on anything - but neither is Russell Roberts or anybody else for that matter.

I had to agree with an anonymous commenter that Russell's opinions based on his research did not really offer anything of substance to refute Arthur's teachings.

I posted a comment myself but I don't know if it's there or not. I know you can moderate comments to your blog and maybe it won't show up unless he approves it.

Here is the gist of what I said to him:

Interesting conversation. I'm with anonymous. When I became a Christian I entered the kingdom of God through the door of Jesus and the Cross. I have the choice of staying at that door forever or of entering into that kingdom. This is a revelation that came to me long long before I heard of Arthur Burk or any one else like that. There will always be those who choose to remain at the door - relying on that one message and holding on til the end. I acknowledge your right to do so but prefer to join with those whose heart cry is to revel in the salvation given us and to experience all of God that is available to us through Jesus. It doesn't make us idiots or lunatics and it's sad that you would judge us that way and encourage others to do so without knowing us.

That's not an exact quote but I'm trying to remember and that's basically it. I think there was some more to it. Any way - it just saddened me. I know it is the way it is in this world - will there ever be agreement in Christ's body?

It was early in my life that I got the understanding - revelation might be a better word - from Jesus' conversation with Nicodemus that the kingdom of heaven is here and when we become born again we enter into that kingdom by the Door that is Jesus. That was a beginning point for me. We can stay there and hold on to that "foundation" forever if we choose. Some years later - after God had told us to walk away from church and the Christian life that we knew and after we had gone through other experiences we came to the place of this prayer..."God", we said, "all we know about right and wrong is what a denomination has taught us. Now you show us." Over the years we've seen the fruit of that prayer. We've been set free - sometimes not without an inner struggle - from some doctrinal teachings. We now put more emphasis on things that were not high priority where we came from. Some things have held firm because they were truly founded upon the Rock. We are still on this journey. We are open to seeing and hearing what others say God has shown them. Some of these things we embrace and some we reject. I can think of one that we rejected only because it came into our life to soon. We were not ready to understand it. Now we are looking at it again with older eyes.

We don't agree with all people and we don't expect all people to agree with us. God grant us the grace to give space to everyone on this journey and to treat all with the respect that is due them as body parts in this very complex body that has one head - Jesus.

forgiveness

I have lately, several times, thought to sit down and blog something. I am certainly not without thoughts but I tend to want to keep some things to myself. The unformed. It's possible that if I didn't work I would write more but I do write at work if I feel like it so I guess that's not it. So I preface this blog with this thought - I am done with thinking that I will become someone who writes all the time and I am embracing myself as one who does whatever whenever. I like that. Takes a load off.

On my mind today??? For several days???

Forgiveness.

Lately there are two situations that are much in my face. Situations that contain conflicts or at least unresolved issues between people. So I'm thinking forgiveness.

Such a "Christian" thought isn't it?

Forgiveness. We forgive. Christ forgave therefore we forgive.

Words Words WORDS

At the risk of sounding critical - it is not my purpose to sound or be critical - I just want to say that I believe there is much lip service given to the ideal of Forgiveness. It is very noble sounding to forgive. But what is the fruit of forgiveness - where is that fruit? If the fruit is not there then the Forgiveness has not really happened... or as John and Paula Sanford phrase it... been "accomplished".

My disclaimer here. I know that in the body of Christ there are many teachings and various understandings on many things. I personally think that God himself is the author of such confusion because the human gets very comfortable inside the soft, warm fuzzies of AGREEMENT and WALKING TOGETHER. I don't see God being in agreement with our human level agreements. God doesn't seem to be overwhelmed by this lack of agreement within this Body that has Only One Head.

So you might not agree with me on all points but this is my take on forgiveness and making it happen and the fruit of it.

As I began walking out the journey of my own healing/deliverance, one of the things I had to learn AND understand AND do was forgiveness.

I was caught one day by that little phrase at the end of "The Lord's Prayer" that goes something like this... for if you do not forgive those who have offended you, God will not forgive you.

I pondered this and it lodged in my heart seeking meaning. I'm not sure at what point understanding began to actually form in my heart. I found that there were several puzzle pieces that had to be put together.

#1 I heard a teaching on anger. I don't know who the speaker was. Long time ago. What he said majorly impacted me. When we harbor anger at someone and consider that we have the right to be angry at that one we are in effect placing ourselves in Christ's seat of judgement.

A throne we we think we are able to sit on.

#2 If we remember what the Bible says to us about judgment we understand that we are to judge ourselves soberly and others not at all. That distinction is reserved by the Father for His son only. Jesus plainly said that if we judge another that that measurement for judgement will be used toward us. We judge others by their actions. We especially judge them when they have hurt us or someone we love. We judge their actions as incorrect and they cannot be forgiven until they have absolved themselves with us.

We do not forgive until the proper apology - or whatever - has been given and then from our place of exalted self-righteousness (Christ's throne) we forgive. Maybe. I truely believe that if we can't forgive without an apology then we won't truely forgive WITH one.

#3 But did we ever think that forgiveness should be our response toward God rather than the hurter/wounder/offender?

That's right. He HE HE is the one who would have us to forgive. It's not even a request. It is his command and he is very honest about the consequences of unforgiveness. We pay. We know this. We say to someone who is angry...the only one being hurt by your anger is you. A very appropriate remark but not completely true. That other one is being hurt because we stand between them and the righteous judgements of God that can set them free from whatever is at the heart of their hurting behavior. We throw a chain around our own neck and theirs binding us together in the woundedness/offence sharing in the fruits of wounding and pain and anger - hanging out in the murky world of souls tied together in an unclean bond. Sometimes such people won't get near each other and sometimes such people can't get away from each other.

#4 The Sanfords say that forgiveness is something to be "accomplished". More than agreement. Certainly more than lip service. Way more than stuffing it down and trying to forget about it.

Here is a little outline of their teaching that became transformational in my life.

1. Choose to forgive, understanding that you do the choosing and God does the work inside you. Forgive that one for whatever that one did. Give it its name. Call it out. Forgive it for what it did to you and call that by name also. Exe. I forgive so-and-so for this and for humiliating me.

2. Repent. Yes, repent. For your heart's reactions to the offence. For things that grow in the heart - like - anger, hatred, murder, fear, etc. For receiving the seed of such things in your own heart to begin with and allowing them to grow. For spending years justifying our own anger. For not trusting God to take care of our hearts and thinking we have to protect it ourselves. For these things we are responsible before God. This is a hard step because we can't always see ourselves as guilty when we know that we are the one that was wronged. But God is concerned with the response of our heart and whether or not we are guarding it and keeping it pure. Repentance is a key piece of this process.

Forgiveness sets us free from others and repentance sets us free from ourselves.

3. Release that one. From...our judgements, expectations, desires, needs. To...God, his mercy, his judgements, his love and his purposes for that one's life. Release ourselves to God.

4. Bless. Can you bless that one? With your words? With actions? Have you spoken evil of them to someone? Can you now go to those to whom you spoke those words and tell them you were wrong in that act? If you are free from the pain of the hurt/wound/offence then you probably can. If not then forgiveness has not actually been accomplished.

And that is the fruit of forgiveness. You are no longer subject to the pain. You are free to allow Jesus a fuller expression of Himself.

While I know that reconciliaton is a big subject in itself, if you are free from that pain then you are free to reconcile - or not, because I have to admit that sometimes that part doesn't happen - but definitely free to be a blessing and to bring a purer expression of Christ into all your relationships.

And that's it. It's that simple and yet it can be very, very hard.

If I ever took something up to be the message I would spread it would be this. I can sell this because I have lived it and it has been key KEY to my own healing. I know, I know - I'm far from perfect but I am so much different than I was and so much more able to deal with life's (people's) hurts.

Father, let this understanding of the power of forgiveness and repentance find lodging in the hearts of all your people everywhere. I pray this especially for those you have given me in my large spiritual family.

Set them free Set them free Set them free.

Seeing and Doing Part II

And then there are those times when the shepherd does speak and says it's time to move.

Interesing watching someone deal with that part of this process.

To see and hear and not really want to do.

The doing can sometimes be hard.

Maybe it's the involvement - or lack of involvement - of our flesh.

Yeah - Yeah - that's it.

When it's OUR idea to DO a thing - we're good to go.

When it's HIS idea to DO a thing - maybe not so much.

Oh we are so contrary sometimes.

Seeing and Doing

Ahhh the temptation to do.

Something.

You see, you get some understanding, you do.

Isn't that the thing? To do? To do something?

To speak. To share your new found knowledge?

Not.

No, not the thing to do.

Sometimes it really is to not do - at least to not do the thing that is in your mind to do.

Listening is good. To listen to the voice that says "wait".

Thank you, Lord, for your voice.

You are my shepherd and I am your sheep and I know your voice and when I listen it just works out SOOOOOOO much better than when I don't.

Some days I really feel like I'm walking in sludge. Now, as I say this don't be thinking that I'm in the depths of despair or anything like that. I definitely had a moment last weekend when some money stuff didn't work out because of a mistake I had made - yes, I had a moment over that.

But my eyes see better than they used to and God is good .

He is very good and I see him in things large and small around me.

Larry and I are in a time such as we have been in before. As Larry has been reading some stuff by someone whose name I'm not quite sure of or I would tell you, he's been able to identify a pattern in time that we seem to be living out. He's looked back over the history of us and has been able to see this pattern and so we are expectant to see what will happen as this time period is fulfilled.

In the meantime I see God's grace expressed in my little family/fractal and the things that God is doing there. I love to see the grace of God at work in my children and grand children. They have been so protected and loved by Father. I see that grace here at work where I feel I have his favor giving me favor. I see it in this new business of Larry's and what it is doing for him.

There are some very definite good things that are comfort and joy to my heart. But still I feel the effort of going forward. I am not one who can just sit down and stay sat until things get easier so I keep trying to move. I press this way and I can't go anywhere. I press that way and I can't get very far. I believe I have what Arthur Burk calls a motion anointing. The outdoors is my favorite sanctuary and walking is my favorite prayer position. And there are other ways that motion expresses itself in my life. But it's so much nicer to be on a mountain top that to be in the marshy places that we sometimes walk through on our way to the next mountaintop.

Back to the point. This sludge. My trudge.

I know - I know - I know there is life on the other end of this. I wonder if what I do - this pressing, pressing - has any value or is just me frustrating myself. Is there intercession in this? I hope so. I know that I need and get reminders of what God is doing and his grace and love. Those reminders - in and of themselves - do not lift me out of the sludge. They give me hope and keep my wandering eyes in the right direction.

I guess I will find out later whether this is just for this period of time or have I just become somewhat jaded because of the ups and downs. I will find out if I have the capacity to believe that we can actually live inside God's blessings. Or is it that even? Could it be that this roller coaster life we live is really the one he always had for us and I just have no capacity for living such a life? That's entirely possible.

Sometimes I think of Joseph when he was in Egypt. He became the Second in Command to Pharaoh himself. He had everything that was the finest - but he was still a captive. Maybe he could have resigned and went home, I don't' know. It seems to me that God chose him to be a captive and a captive he remained. Are we not all Christ's bondslaves? Isn't it about what HE wants to do in the earth?

So perhaps the roller coaster is where he always wanted us to live. I just don't know. I would love to have a strait stretch, though, that would last for as long as I've been on the roller coaster.

Larry has been reading a passage from Psalms over us each morning lately that gives me hope that something different is on the way. Something that is affirming and confirming of this life we have lived.

I life the sound of that phrase - something different is on the way.